Interview – John Thomson

John Thomson

Striker JT has missed a bit of the season due to work and other commitments but is back in the squad for tomorrow’s game against Hardgate. The scourge of Spanish health professionals and baggage handlers alike here he talks to Tipton Town Chairman and Tally Vic supporter Mat Danks.

MD: Hello pal. Hope you’re well. You’re looking well. Tell me, would you honestly say you’re a good person?

JT: Yeah, I’m absolutely a good person. Although I have no problem being bad towards bad people.

MD: Well, you say that. So, if you could receive one million pounds but it meant that an old man in China fell off his bike and died of a massive head injury, would you do it?
JT: Well it depends? How old is this geezer?

MD: Let’s say 60, for the sake of argument. Let’s bear in mind though that China’s average life expectancy for a male is just shy of 73 years. But let’s also say he was a spritely soul, played squash twice a week and was actively involved in his local Rotary Club. Hell, let’s give him a name. Mao Deng tou. So, is the old man or the money?
JT: Ah, the money would be lovely but not worth the guilt. Plus I wouldn’t want any of his family coming after me to avenge his honour.

MD: That’s a good point. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot you could do with the money – for good causes and all – but having Mao Teng tao on your conscience is a lot to ask of anyone.
Let’s cut to the chase. See what we’re really dealing with in this interview.
Brown sauce or red sauce on bacon?
JT: Red on rolls but like brown on a fryup.

MD: Hmmm. Interesting. Beatles or Stones?
JT: Beatles.

MD: Hmmm. Again. Interesting. Bitter or lager?
JT: Vodka

MD: Indian or Chinese?
JT: Indian.

MD: Ok, one out of four ain’t bad. As Meatloaf didn’t say.
Let’s talk football. If you had the choice of bagging a hat-trick in a big cup final to win the cup for the Tally Vic or becoming the first man who could run faster than a train, which one would you go for?
JT: Cup final hat trick all day, mate. That’s the dream!

MD: So, just talk me through this dream. It would have to be a good one to forego this whole running thing. Would you want a ‘classic’ hattrick, left foot, right foot, header?
JT: Well, to start, we would be 2-0 down going into last half hour or so. First would be a screamer from 25 yards to get us back in it. A late equaliser with a header from a set piece and gotta be an injury time goal mouth stramash for the winner.

MD: I am all over that. Now, most importantly, what would be the celebration for the winner. A sprint over towards Jan – who no doubt would look ancient after all that stress? Or something pre-planned?
JT: Hahaha, only bawbags pre plan celebrations. Maybe jump on the chairman if he’s still breathing.

MD: What are your memories of making your dayboo for the Tally Vic? Start from pre-game.
JT: it was a midweek game under the lights. To be honest, I don’t remember much about the dressing room before the game. I was delighted to be starting in a 3 man midfield. We played really well from what I remember but lost 4-3. I was happy with my performance but unfortunately didn’t get a dayboo goal!

MD: Dayboo goals are a premium and no mistake. Especially in Scotland, I understand.
JT: Would have loved to have bagged one that night although I got one on my home dayboo though.

MD: Which player do you model yourself on? Other than the Tipton Terrier.
JT: I’d say Rooney. I’m a striker but often asked to drop into midfield. I like to defend from the front by putting defenders under pressure but this often leads to me being knackered and getting subbed.

MD: Does this comparison run to a rather creepy love of GILFS or do you draw a line at that?
JT: Hahaha, yeah football comparisons only. There’s no excuse for shagging a granny but suppose we have all done some daft shit in our time.

MD: Did you hear that when that happened, Coleen actually followed the granny prostitute for four miles to find out where she lived and to confront her. It was a rare case of the WAG tailing the dog.
JT: Fuck that’s terrible. You been hanging around with Davie Bonacorsi?

MD: What’s the best thing about donning the colours of the Tally Vic?
JT: For me the best thing is knowing I’m in a team full of good lads who are determined to go and get 3 points on a Saturday morning. We dont always get the result but that’s football.

MD: Well, this is it. Which would you rather, playing and hating it but picking up £100 a game or playing for the love of it and having a ball?
JT: You gotta enjoy it otherwise its pointless. And I think we will all enjoy this season. The squad has improved and the right guys are in charge. These are exciting times!

MD: So who are the real characters in the changing room? Who is most likely to raise a smile when the chips are down?
JT: Without a doubt the Bonacorsi Brothers, or Jedward as I like to call them! Big Tank and Scotty Keys. Oh and Moses always tells us about all the wee dirties he’s been wae at the weekend.

MD: Those Bonacorsi Brothers are bad teds and absolutely no mistake. Who provides the voice of reason? I struggle to believe that this is Jan or The Chairman?
JT: Ah they’re no too bad. Playerwise Big Mo’s quite level headed and knows what he’s talking about.

MD: MoMo strikes me as the level headed type. I bet he can be a proper bad ted when he’s had a drink though.
JT: You wouldn’t believe some of the shit he gets up to. Proper madman.

MD: So, who has the worst dress sense? And the worst taste in music?
JT: Worst dressed has to go to young Pipkin. There’s a couple of pictures with him wearing some very questionable jackets. Worst taste in music is Chris Reilly. He picks me up before games and the tunes are horrendous. He insists they’re ‘bangin’’ though.

MD: When did you first hear about the phenomenon that is The Tally Vic? And what do you make of this frankly bonkers link to the Black Country?
JT: Well, I grew up with the Bonacorsi Bros so when I moved to Glasgow i ended up renting their spare room. They had been involved with the team for a while so joining the tally was a no brainer.
The Black Country thing is brilliant. I’m learning quite abit about WBA through Twitter these days. I can’t wait to get a trip down for a match!

MD: WBA is, in many ways, a parallel for the Scottish national team. Everyone has this vague recollection of them being good once but every time you think they might be half decent again they tend to regress.
So, do you think Taggart is an accurate portrayal of Glasgow?
JT: A bit before my time but I would doubt its anything like Glasgow. Unless Taggart’s just eejits gettin pissed and fighting with each other!

MD: Taggart was boss. Proper hard drinking Glasweigan crime drama. Always had the line.
“There’s been a mordor.”
“A mordor?”
“A mordor.”
Then, when the old fella died who played the characater Taggart as a result of drinking, they carried on with the show. That takes some skill.
Now – finally and crucially: over the course of these questions have you reconsidered the Chinese man and the million pound question?  Feel free to change your mind.
JT: Not a chance, pal. I like to sleep at night. And you don’t mess with the Rotary!

Cheers to Mat and JT for a cracking interview!

Westwood 0 – Tantallon Victoria 1

Starting 11 vs Westwood

Goals – McQuade

Subs – Ramsey-Lewis (Lewicki)

The Chairmon final gets his backside in gear, sits down, thinks about the game, fails to remember large parts of it, writes a match report that gets things wrong and inserts a lot of tired old jokes he’s already done to death a thousand times over.

The current Tantallon line up show’s an appalling lack of respect for tradition demonstrated by the fact they’ve kept clean sheets in both of the first two league games of the season.

This was a game which could have gone either way and it looked likely, the longer it went on, that a single goal would decide it. The Tally had to dig in not being able to get the passing going. In the first half we put ourselves under pressure giving the ball away cheaply with Westwood working hard to press the ball. It was a game of few chances with the opposition trying to break us down but not finding the final ball while we lacked creativity on the break.

The game was decided late on when a fantastic Johnny Williams cross was met by the head of McQuade who guided the ball into the bottom corner of the net. There had been chances prior firstly for McQuade who lifted the ball over the bar trying to chip the keeper while Devlin met a corner kick ten yards out but got under the ball and sent it over for a goal kick. Young Jordan Ramsey-Lewis made his dayboo and while he did not scower, he showed some good touches and lots of energy to get forward from fullback.

A good result against a very good Westwood side then and four points out of a possible six to start the season.

Moment to savour… The cross and the header for the goal was superb football. Early contender for goal of the season.

Head in hands moment… On the Friday – when the teamlines debacle started. #SackTheBoard

PSL Teamsports Heros…. Richie and Johnny for a wee bit of magic. Well done to John Neeson who had the bit between his teeth and did a lot of the dirty work in midfield with Wilson. Big Rio – magnificent.



Interview – Stephen Cunningham


Our new right back Stegsy signed for the club over the summer and has impressed in our pre-season games. A great defender he also offers a lot going forward and he’s settled into the club well.

Here Albion and Tally supporter Anil Shiyal speaks to our own “Laurie” about cricket, reasons to hate Aston Villa and cricket.


Anil: When I was a kid despite being an Albion fan I used to pretend to be John Robertson in the playground as he was fat, slow but brilliant. Like me. Who is your favourite Robertson?

Stegsy: Robertsons the Bakers – used to have a shop round the corner when I was a boy, cakes, cakes and more cakes (the beginning of my love handles). Probably why I didn’t make it pro……………Well that and a total lack of ability ;-(


Anil: Who did you pretend to be?

Stegsy: Probably shouldn’t admit his but Joe Miller who played with Celtic from about 1988 to 1992 I think. Aside from scoring a winners against Rangers in Scottish cup final in 89 he was awful but he was a winger and that’s we’re I played!!


Anil: As a fullback are you more a blingy Cole or a Physco Pearce type?

Stegsy: Probably more Gary Neville, not very skilful, but always turn up for training on time and kiss the managers arse at every opportunity;-) Thankfully I don’t look or sound like Ratboy although I like him on Sky sports to be fair!


Anil: Do you understand cricket?

Stegsy: Aye of course it’s just like rounders, yeah? I heard that said in front of an Australian I worked with and he went off on a rant at how it was nothing like ‘bloody rounders’.

Anil: Give me 3 reasons exactly why you hate Aston Villa? (Don’t say you don’t pal, answer properly)


Stegsy: 1)Alan Hutton (ex Rangers player, he is basically the pr*cks pr*ck). Sorry I have mentioned Rangers a couple of times you might not have heard of them they are a club that used to be Celtics rivals but they passed away last year;-)

2) Another one of these ‘massive clubs’ according to English media but they’re generally sh*t and don’t win anything!!

3) Prince William supports them, I’m not going to get started on Royalty, parasites!!


Anil: Quote a Smiths Lyric.

Stegsy: ‘Hang the DJ’


Anil: Do you fancy a ticket to the Albion this year?

Stegsy: Most definitely!


Anil: Is Strachan the answer? Should he ever be the question?

Stegsy: Think he was best pick available. When he was Celtic manager i didn’t particularly enjoy going to games due to our playing style but he won his fair share of trophies. Think he will do as well as can be expected with what he has available, so no world cups for another decade or 3!!!


Anil: What’s your favourite book, film and song?

Stegsy: Read one recently called ‘dead mans shoes’ by Peter James. Set at time of 9/11, basically guy whos business is ready to go bust is in NY at time of attacks. He dumps his wallet, phone etc at the site of one of the crashes and pretends he’s dead so Mrs can pick up insurance money and changes identity. Read Barca book by Graham Hunter as well, brilliant read!


Fav film is Pulp Fiction by a country mile!

‘Do I wanna know’ by Arctic Monkeys is my favourite song at the moment, going to see em live in Nov should be a good one!


Anil: What’s a Grorty Dick?

Stegsy: Is that what happens when you don’t strap it up before you slap it up?? Basically your d*ck ends up looking like Alan Hutton!


Anil: Do you think you’ll get many games this year? Should I invest in a Tally Vic Cunningham top?

Stegsy: Don’t know to be honest, just need to work hard in training every day to try and impress manager (or alternatively buy him a beer) footballs a squad game, competition for places is good, it’s a game of two halves, if the ball hits the net it’s a goal, sorry ran out of football cliches;-)

I would defo invest in a Tally vic top though looks identical to WBA, the Cunningham bit I would maybe give a miss, I feel bad enough disappointing my son when he watches me playing football, don’t want to add another name to that list! Hope some of this is what you were looking for, good luck to WBA for the forthcoming season!

You can follow Stegsy at @StephenC78 and Anil at @Bartlebee23

Cheers to Anil for a great bunch of questions! :)

Interview – The Tank

Thomas "The Tank" Jamieson


Our big central defender Thomas “The Tank” Jamieson is the sort of player who would be a cult hero if our fans were by the side of the park watching. He loves everything about the club and when he plays he wears his heart on his sleeve. An absolutely no nonsense defender who can play a bit as well, Tank is a huge personality in the dressing room and one of the most well liked boys at the team.

Here he talks to West Brom and Tantallon Fan Chris Cochrane about why he joined the club and his hopes for the future.

Chris: Owamya?

Tank: Alright ta, me mucker. :)

Chris: Suppose I better start with – so the Tally Vic, how did you come to join the club, and what about the name “Tank”?

Tank: It all started last summer, my wee boy was born in May and he was in and out if hospital for a few months. I decided at the time to stop smoking and had been flirting with the idea of playing again so thought fuggit. I found the team on Gumtree of all places and gave the number a text looking for some training.

I got named tank at my under 7s team, everyone called me “Thomas the Tank” and the manager shortened it to “Tank”. 19 years later…  Haha.

Chis: Out of all the reasons I thought you got the name Tank, that one never crossed my mind. So joining up with the Tally was a nice little distraction from your lads’ problems? Is he doing ok now?

Tank: Aye the wee man had 2 open heart ops and a couple of catheter procedures but thankfully all is good now. Joining the team helped me take my mind off it even for a couple of hours a week was a welcome distraction!  That and I got the opportunity to kick 7 shades of Glasgow out any willing participant ;-)

Chris: Good to hear your wee man is doing well now. On the note of kicking seven shades out of the opposition, a little bird told me you had a wee spell on the sidelines last season. How did that come about?

Tank: Knew that one was coming…… Haha I had just been through a tough few months and that was the end result. Shouldn’t have happened and won’t happen again or else Chairmon Davie has promised me he’ll lock me in a room n put on endless WBA highlights…

Chris: Surely the promise of a Brom DVD fest would spur you on to go round knacking everyone. What happened on the pitch then to lead to such a long ban? Don’t have to answer that one if you don’t want to…

Tank:  Haha it was a head butt to the guys belly after he near halved Moses in two. Wasn’t too serious but rules are rules.

Chris: Sounds like he had it coming then, but like you say rules are rules. So how is the pre season training going? They working you hard?

Tank: The pre season has been tough. I’ve got pain in parts of my body I never even knew existed. Haha Davie has promised he’s gonnae do a bit as well…

Chris:  He’ll be feigning injury that day, I bet.

Tank: I asked him on sat what happened to him joining in and his reply was “f*ck off”.

Chris: Do you enjoy the fitness work or dread it?

Tank: I dread the thought of it but when it’s done I’m glad I done it. As a certain Italian left back would say “it’s all money in the bank” and I am fugging skint! Haha!

Chris: Loffin! Seems like you have a good bunch there, great spirit. Tell us about some of your team mates, who’s the most skilful, who’s the joker…so on

Tank:  Aye we’ve got a big squad this year a few characters in there………

Most skilful is probably wee Ritchie.

Biggest joker is probably Davie Bonaccorsi (well at least he thinks he is) haha.

Best trainer, behind me of course – probably RoddyBonaccorsi.

Most likely to leave and sign for biggest rivals: Jai Chitimbe :-)

Jekyll and Hyde: Chris Reilly.

Worst dressed: apparently Italians have little or no style ;-)

Most likely to retire due to gout or hip failure: Jan Mourinho

Least partial to a tackle: put it this way he rode his last 50/50 all the way to the USA haha

Superstar: Dalseem aka Moses.

Chris: Hah that’s great stuff. Best trainer you are, eh? The Chairman did say you never missed a session. One or two of the lads might have the hump over that little lot :) Must be some top nights out then when you’re all out on the razzle, one or two star performers there. I did hear you were most likely to get naked at a night out…

Tank: We’ll see next June haha

Chris: Be good to see the Tally on tour. When I was first asked to do this, and was given a few tips it was mentioned to asked you about some of your own antics on the nights out. :) Any that you’d like to share?

Tank: I have no opinion on my night out antics, purely because I don’t ever remember a fugging thing haha.

Chris: What would you like to get out of the season? A good cup run or league run…or just to have a good time enjoying the games?

Tank: Personally this season I just want to get fit and get a good run in the team. I had a few howlers last year tryin’ to play through the pain barrier but I’m feeling 10 x better already this year. From a team point of view I hope we get past Barca en route to the champions league. Haha. Promotion is a must, anything else is a bonus.

Chris: Cheers for doing this Tank, hope it’s not been too boring for you…I had no clue how to do this really but you’ve been great with your answers. Tara a bit, pal.

Tank: Haha no sweat it’s a bit of fun. Catch ye.

Thanks to Chris and Tank for a brilliant wee interview. You can follow Tank (if you dare) at @Thomas_J67 and Chris at @PaoloWalnuts



Interview – Richie McQuade


As our record goalscorer and probably our best known player, doubtless one day there will be a statue erected at The PSL Teamsports Arena in honour of Richie McQuade. It’s highly likely however that it’ll be late arriving…

We got his mentor at MK Dynamo, Richie’s Sunday team – who put us onto him – Steff Murray, to  rip the pish interview our Magnificent Seven for the site.

Stef is a member of the famed “Ar Scored on My Dayboo For The Tally Club”. Richie isn’t.

You can see what’s coming, eh?

Name: Richie “Quado7″ McQuade

Position: Striker, goalscorer.

Stef : Now lets get to know the real Quado..what makes him tick….So Richard…you’ve scored a lot of goals for Tantallon…any stand out ?

Richie: Last minute overhead volley against Quayside from 25 yards to equalise.

Stef: What did you think that day on my daybooo i told you to bolt off a free kick and duly dispatched it into the corner ?

Richie: I thought who is this old codger trying to steal my thunder and where is his zimmer.

Stef: Enough about me…who is your favourite Tantallon player you have played with ?

Richie: A guy Stephen Murray think he only played 70 in one game set five up and scored a free kick on his dayboo. Different class…

Stef: On a personal note do you feel any anger or resentment that your wee brother Jordan is a better player than you ??


Stef: So your earliest Tantallon memory ? When did it all start for you ?

Richie: Against postal lost 5-2 – no dayboo goal for me.

Stef: Dont fret Richard, takes a special type to notch on his daybooo…

Do you have any pre-match rituals? Aside from avoiding putting the goals up and being late…

Richie: Those are my pre match rituals I do neither and I’m better staying in bed.

Stef: What do you want to be when you grow up ?

Richie: Just like you.

 Stef: So onto Mr Tally..The Chairmon Davie Brown…Genius or mentalist ?

Richie: Absolute mentalist!!!

Stef: …..hard to argue – Okay a few quickies now. 

Best trainer at Tant….oops sorry sack never go to training…

Richie: ……..

Stef: Nicest guy at Tally?

Richie: Probably Ross Lewicki.

Stef: Do you think you will ever hit another free kick that doesnt lead to an opposition throw in ?

Richie: You learned how to hit a free kick from me. Nakamuraesque

Stef:…boys delusional.

Stef: Most skilful player at the club…dont say you..this is a serious interview…

Richie: Oh its myself.

Stef: The Bonaccorsi award…who is the biggest maddie…Gav or Roddy ?

Richie: I don’t no Gav bonaccorsi. But Davie and Roddy Bonaccorsi are both nutters. Gav is mental enough to be a Bonaccorsi to though..

Stef: You off the pens ?

Richie: Silly question 1 miss out off 247 kinda speaks for itself

Stef: Pen or free kick ? Try to think back to scoring either.

Richie: Probably a pen though my free kicks are dynamite

Stef: If you had to drink with one Tally player who would it be ?

Richie: I don’t drink !!!!!

Stef: …..No Richard you just don’t buy anyone a drink..subtle difference.

Do you need help from me in ruling your house so u can make training more ?

Richie: My house is all mine

Stef: Has Fatherhood changed you ?

Richie: Of course  lol

Stef: driving improved at all ?

Richie: No comment ha

Stef: Hopes for the upcoming Tantallon season ?

Richie: Silverware nothing but winning this league is going to do !!!

Steff: Over or under on you getting ten goals this season ?

Richie: 30 odd willl do

Stef: Best moment in a Tantallon shirt.

Richie: 99th minute winner with a peach of a pen against Rossvale after being personally kick up and down the park for 98 mins.

Stef: Anyway thanks for the insight Quado Bo Andersen…you’re my boy,  Quado7     

Richie: You’re welcome Mr Murray.

Stef: So its clear Tantallon’s favourite number 7 has high hopes for the upcoming season, good to see Quado back from a nasty leg break and doing what he does best….avoiding putting up the goals,missing training and hitting free kicks for throw ins.

Thanks to Stef for doing such a brilliant interview and to Richie for being such a good sport answering his questions!

Jan Lewicki interview…



I suppose it’s understandable that when people meet Tally manager Jan Lewicki they are surprised he doesn’t speak with a Polish accent. I mean Quado did dub him “The Polish Olivier Teliby” one time.

Jan is actually a very important person to the club as since he’s saved it from extinction for sure at least once. This season he and Marky Thomson have been tasked with taking the team forward and have got off to a good start with good training and lots of enthusiasm from the players for it. He’s got a great way with the guys and with Mark to support him the club looks like working towards being in good shape for the new campaign.

We got one of our oldest and most fanatical supporters – Jamie Bowen from Wales – to speak to the big man to get his thoughts – luckily on one of the few occasions he’s been sober since 1993. Jan I mean. Jamie is a responsible drinker.

What’s your first footballing memory?

Gordon Strachan’s goal against West Germany in the 1986 World Cup, I was only 8 but remember seeing it on T.V and his attempt at trying to jump the advertising board.

The Tally Vic plays on Saturday morning’s so what’s the nutrition advice? Nice big fry up or plenty of carbs?

2 fags and a large glass of red wine! Seriously scrambled eggs on toast and a banana – plenty of water. That’s been my staple for 58 years :-)

Who is your footballing hero? (Player and/or manager)

Kenny Dalgleish (player) – I went to a lot of Scotland games when I was younger and he was our stand out player. My first Scotland strip was Scotland’s Mexico 1986 World Cup with his name on the back, I wore it to bed the first night I got it and never wanted to take it off.

Which other Jan’s do you admire?

Jan Molby purely because I have never seen a more overweight player in my life and he was a good player to boot!

What’s your football philosophy? What football can we look forward to the Tally Vic playing?

Tight at the back, hard working midfield that works hard to regain possession and exploit the wings on attack.

Computer Games – Football Manager or FIFA?

Football Manager by a mile

So as a part-time fisherman what’s the best catch you’ve ever made?

I once caught a 6.2’’ Swedish blonde of the coast of Orkney, suffice to say I had to throw her back. I am also famous for catching large quantities of nothing mainly down to the fact I am always drunk at sea! In fact I seldom make it out of port.

If you could sign one player for the Tally Vic who would it be and why?

Billy the fish – we’ve had issues in the goalkeeping department last season so he’d make a big difference between the sticks!!

Have you ever had a Fergie Flying Tea Cups moment? If not have you ever been on the receiving end of one?

Not had one yet but I’m sure there will be many over the coming season – kamikaze defending! I was on the receiving end of one when I played at under 16 level, I put a banana (a week previously) into our star players boots for a joke and the manager nearly killed me! Chased me out the changing room and I was subsequently dropped for the next game.

The Tally Vic have support from all over the world, what does it feel like to be part of this football and social media phenomenon?

At first I couldn’t really get my head around it and found the whole thing very strange, but once you get all the tweets of support on a Saturday, discussions after the game it is superb. It’s strange even saying this, but our fans have not only supported us in this way but also financially – this is very much appreciated by all involved with the ‘Tally Vics’.

When they eventually make the Tally Vic film, a much better version of Escape to Victory, which actor will play you?

I don’t think there are any actors that are a handsome as me so I’d probably have to take acting classes and play myself. (#FFS #SAKE)

And finally Jan what’s your prediction for the Tally Vic this season?

I honestly believe we can gain promotion; we have kept our squad together from last season and added 3 or 4 who will make a difference. If we play as a team like we did towards last season we have a good chance of doing well.

The goal line scramble:

Pele or Maradona? – Maradona

Tits or arse? – Tits

Booze or fags? – Aaaahhh booze

Rolling Stones or Beatles? – Bee Gees

Indoor or outdoor? - Outdoor

Robert the Bruce or William Wallace? – William Wallace or Tom Jones? – Tom Jones

Streaker or Flasher? – Streaker

Toe poke or sidefoot? – Toe Poke

Mark Lawrenson or Adrian Chiles? – I detest both but Chiles shades it as I wouldn’t tire from punching Mark Lawrenson’s annoyed face.

Tantallon 1 – Westbridge Villa 2

Starting 11 vs Westbridge Villa


Substitutes: Cannon, McGinley, McNab, Moses,

Goals: McQuade

A game in which…. a couple of new faces made their dayboo and we said tara a bit to a good friend and player.

The break sucks, eh? End of the season and last couple of games you just want a break. Sometimes you think about chucking it all together.  First weekend with no game. You go out for a bevy on the Friday night. You enjoy your first lie in on a Saturday for a while. You do something with the missus or kids. Free from football for a few weeks. Bliss.

By Tuesday night you are on the phone to your pals, “AHM CHOKIN’ FURRA GEMME MAN! SEE IF WE KIN JUST GET ANOTHER CENTRE HALF MAN?”.

The grassroots merry go round slows, but never stops does it?

Our first pre-season game came after a few weeks hard work on the training pitch with credit due to the lads who were out biking and running as well to get fit as possible for the start of a new campaign – although Richie McQuade was doing those things cos he’ll need to do them all the time when his driving ban kicks in.

We took to the field in our new yellow and green Black Country away kit which Frank at PSL has done a brilliant job with. As the Monday prior to the game had marked the anniversary of the death of Laurie Cunningham we chose to mark it by having our new right back Stephen Cunningham wear the number 11. The heat was as stifling as it would have been at times for Laurie playing in the Santiago Bernabéu for Real Madrid as the game  kicked off against Villa.

See before I started this – I probably should have phoned a couple of the boys cos the actual game I can’t remember that much about. I can remember the goal. A bit. John Neeson won the ball out on the right and played a perfect pass through to Richie McQuade who motored past the last man to put the ball in off the far post. Villa equalised with a free kick where some pre-season rustiness saw it slip through the wall. Villa were to go ahead in the second half through a penalty that we we’rent very happy about particularly Chris Reilly who seemed very upset which is strange cos normally he’s the quietest guy on the park…

There were two players making their dayboo in the match – Darren Shearer in goal who played for Bridge FC and 16 year old Andrew Cannon who came on in the second half at wide right. Darren looked solid between the posts and young Andy showed some ability and some neat touches.

Leaving The PSL Teamsports Arena for pastures new is Andy McNab who is off to America to coach a ladies team. Andy was a fearsome player for The Tally at times with his tough tackling and almost God-like ability in the air. Andy was a great guy to have at the club who cared about the team and wanted to be as involved as he could. He always asked for feedback and last season he destroyed a couple of defences for us in games. He will be very much missed at the club as a guy and a player. All of us wish him well and he know’s our door is always open (which is how they £500 match balls got stolen last year).

Despite the defeat (AGAINST A TEAM CALLED VILLA :/) there were many positives to take out of the game for the team. We defended well when we had to and showed flair going forwards.

Moment to savour… Wee Quado’s goal was a lovely finish but the triangle down the left wing that resulted in a Ross Lewicki shot on goal was sublime. He missed it by the way.

Head in hands moment… The absolute total and utter mind bending realisation that Richie had turned up on time for a game. Actually he was three minutes early. I nearly collapsed.

On the sidelines… Cheers to Robert Burns and Wee Beastie for coming up to watch the game and also to Chris McGinty of Whinhall United who came down as well. We’ve got you next mate – see you Saturday!

Interview – Vice Captain Roddy Bonaccorsi

Roddy Raffaelo Pietro Bonaccorsi

Gurdo loves Um Bongo



When he is not reaching into his seeping sack of songs for the Steve Zacharanda Radio Show or perving over Bus Babe or wondering if Maria Sharapova is as loud in bed as she is on court, Gurdip Thandi (@Gurdo on Twitter, fact fans) is a huge Tantallon Victoria supporter and proud sponsor.


In particular, he has a long distance relationship with Tally Vic’s legendary left back Raffaelo Bonaccorsi. Here, the proud sponsor grills the classy player and gets answers to the questions that no-one has probably ever wanted to ask:


1. Serious one to start with, how are things looking for Tally Vic next season?

I’m really positive about the coming season after the way we finished last season. If we can retain the core players who are committed and augment the squad with some good additions then I’m really optimistic. It’s all about attitude and recognising the importance of the collective at this level.


2. When did you join Tally Vic and how did you get into it?

I played a 45 minute trial for Tally Vics in 2009 and Davie Brown, then manager, signed me on the spot. After an inauspicious start to the season and a difference of opinion with the co-manager John “idiot baws” Kelsey he inexplicably released me! The worst managerial decision since Dick Advocaat passed on John Hartson. (Should point out it was that Kelsey biff to blame! – Ed.) Anyways after chucking it for a while Davie was tweeting about being short of players. I knew Kelsey was no longer part of things so I went along and dragged my madcap bro with me. The rest is history!


3. You’re a left back. As was Paolo Maldini. You are therefore the new Paolo Maldini. Discuss.

I’d distance myself from that. Every time a good left back emerges you get the Maldini Comparisons. I don’t think it’s fair to heap such pressure on a young 33 year old prospect such as myself!!


4. Is The Chairman Davie Brown an evil dictator like his doppleganger General Zod?

HA! Davie is the opposite of a dictator but he can fair blow his top on occasion! Just ask Ross Kerr! No-one’s seen him since in Davie’s words he “went away”. Personally I think Davie looks more like Will Self than Zod though!


5. Having spent many a dressing room with your team mates, which of them has the smelliest farts and worst BO?

The BO and flatulence tends to blend into a rich mutant funk to be honest. Eye watering! Well you did ask.


6. You rock the beard look, a la Andrea Pirlo. But are there any beards out there that make you green with envy?

As a self confessed pogonophile, I admire many a beard. The aforementioned Pirlo, Gorgeous Giorgios Samaras and of course David Bellamy. The ultimate beard however has to be Danny McGrain. Exquisite man badge!


7.If your bairn grew up to be a Rangers fan, would you disown him?

Let’s face it that’s not going to happen unless he’s more of a football historian than a fan ;) however if that’s his choice then so be it. I would never disown my own child unless he became a Tory!


8. If your bairn grew up to be an England fan, would you disown him?

This one is far more likely given that his mother hails from Yorkshire! He may even like cricket, pickled eggs and pale ale!


9. You missed a great chunk of last season through injury so will have spent a lot of time in the treatment room. Did you pick up any useful medical tips because I’ve got an unsightly scab on my foot as a result of a mosquito bite that I could do with getting rid of?

Ha! I became a gym addict when I was injured. So bloody frustrating I could do everything except kick a ball.


10. Scotland is famous for being cold. Do you not get up on a freezing weekend matchday morning and think, “Why the hell am I doing this when I could stay in my warm bed instead?”

I get scunnered with the weather here, I mean come on! Horizontal hail stones! But I never feel like that on a Saturday.


11. If you weren’t a famous, talented footballer, what would you be doing with your weekends instead?

Probably trying to put an 80′s thrash metal ensemble together or being a beard model!


12. As a fine and prolific tweeter, are there any tweeters who write such utter crap it makes you want to find them and slit their throats? Feel free to name and shame…

I’ve blocked most of them but when folk tweet about praying for folk, I want to throw things. That and grief tourists. Also pro-footballers tweeting about bland, generic Portuguese chicken outlets and their abysmal taste in music drives me tonto!


13. Rachel Riley or Carol Vorderman? Please give reasons for your answer!

Who’s Rachel Riley? (Gurdo’s seethe levels reach an all time high!) I had a bizarre inexplicable attraction for Vorderman when she was ugly. Think it was her logarithms I was attracted to!

(Surprised Gurdo hasn’t shut the club down for Rod not knowing who Rachel Riley is… Ed.)


14. What do you think about when you are spending quality time on the toilet?

I’m usually on twitter! I sometimes think about dying my beard.


15. If you had control of the dressing room boom box, what sounds would come from the Tally Vic dressing room?

I’d play some fist-pumping 80s rock and something ridiculously heavy like Strapping Young Lad or Ministry. Just to se the look on Tank’s face!


16. I know all the lyrics to the Um Bongo ad jingle without looking them up. Do you think this is strange?

I thought there only was one lyric to that? They drink it in the Congo, ay it?


17. You’re a fine looking lad and you will have read my tweets about Bus Babe. What tips can a lady magnet like you give me to overcome my shyness and try to talk to her?

High praise indeed coming from yourself! Frankly if this bus babe whoever she is doesn’t know what she’s missing then it’s her loss mate. Plenty fish in the sea!


18. Ok, Tally Vics are in the Champions League final. It’s 0-0 after extra time and goes to pens. The gaffer asks if you would be willing to take one. What’s your answer?

I’m definitely taking one! Especially after I let the ‘forward players’ dominate the last shoot out and 2 strikers passed the ball back to the keeper. I also have balls of steel and a 100% penalty kick conversion rate (took one scored one) lol


19. Which Roddy is better? Roddy Frame or Rowdy Roddy Piper?

Haha would need to be the piper! That other guy was a one hit wonder. I had to Google him!


20. Tally Vic players have individual sponsors each season. How do you get on with yours and what do you think of him?!

Good question. He hails from Walsall I believe, a bit whacky but clearly knows a player when he sees one. He has a Tally Vic shirt with Bonaccorsi 3 emblazoned on the back. Little does he know he’ll be accosted one day by a 60 odd year old vagrant who remembers my old man from a hippy dos house in Clapham in the 70s because of it!


Thanks to Gurdo for taking the time to interview Rod!

You can hear him on The Steve Zacharanda Radio Show every Thursday night from 8-10 online at


Interview – Club Captain Gavin Devlin

Big Gav

    Adam "Steve Zacharanda" Smith

Z-LIST celebrity Tally Vic supporter and “Obama and Me” author Steve Zacharanda has put his interviewing boots on and picked the brains of club captain Gavin Devlin for the website.

Teasing nuggets of long lost trivia and information from “Captain Marvel” the interview reveals a man who bleeds Tally Vic and would happily spend a spell in the clink for his beloved club mates.

Name: Gavin Devlin

Age: 30

Position at the club: Captain

Position on the field: Utility man (Mostly a striker but can play on the wing or in midfield. – Ed.)

Tenure at the Tally Vic:  3 years


Describe the kind of player you are in one sentence?  - ”Always give 100% and moan about everything.”

Best moment in a Tally Vic shirt?  - “Scoring from 25 yards at Barlia.”

Worst moment in a Tally Vic shirt?  - “Missing penalty against Wishaw in shoot out that put us out.”


Favourite away ground to play at?  - “Neithercraigs.”

Do you have any pre-match rituals or superstitions? – “Roll n sausage and cup of tea.”

What music would you or do you blast out before a game?  - “Whatever is on the radio.”


Player you’d most like to be like? - “Messi but am more like Iain Dowie.”

How many yellow or red cards have you taken for the team? – “Not that many, mostly for moaning at the referee.”

Have you ever broken anyone’s leg? - “No but some dick broke mine.”


Worst brawl you’ve seen on a football pitch? - “We played Bridge few months back and the game on opposite pitch had 22 man barney,  just wish the ref stopped the game so we could watch!”


If you saw the weakest Tally Vic player laid out by  two opposition players and you knew the ref was not looking would you resort to:

A: A ruddy good tongue lashing.



D: Affray

E: Wounding with intent

Gav – “That would be E.”


If you won £10,000 to spend on the club what would you buy? - “The Chelsea physio to work on my groin.”

How many goals do you think you will be involved in this season? - “Hopefully most of them.”

What will be a good season for the Tally Vic? - “League and a cup, need to push on from last season.”


The Goaline Scramble:

Pele or Maradona? - “Maradona.”

Tits or arse? - “Both.”

Booze or fags? -  ”Booze.”

Rolling Stones or Beatles? - “Pass.”

Indoor or outdoor? - “Is that sex or football?”

Robert the Bruce or William Wallace: - “William Wallace.” or Tom Jones? - “Neither.”

Streaker or Flasher? - “Flasher.”

Toe poke or sidefoot? - “Sidefoot.”


Steve Zacharanda is the pen name of Birmingham based journalist Adam Smith. A local hard news journalist and travel writer he is best known for his infamous YouTube video during the 2008 US Presidential Election in which he drunkenly talked himself out of a job.

You can view it here:-

Adam has written a book about his experiences volunteering for The Obama Campaign “Obama and Me” and has been the subject of a documentary “Obama and Me – The Steve Zacharanda Story. He’s also the star of his own radio show every Thursday night on Scratch FM with is long suffering sidekick Gurdip Thandi.

You can visit Adam’s site to find out more about the book which The Tally highly recommend!

Thanks to all fan sponsors…

Give yourself a round of applause...

Everyone at the club would like to thank all the people who have sponsored shirts, staff, The Chairman, the pitch sides and even the pitch corners this past week.

The response has been absolutely fantastic and you’ve all given the club a huge boost ahead of the season.

We’ve added a page of the names of those who’ve sponsored shirts and staff and one for those who’ve sponsored the pitch. Should anyone wish to have “Tantallon Supporter” added to their name please let me know.

Thanks again and we will do our level best to give you as much entertainment and success in the coming season as we possibly can.

Yours in football and friendship,

The Players and Management of Tantallon Victoria AFC.